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Lara I.
21 November 2013 @ 07:05 pm
Sometimes I think I'm better off NOT writing about things

And LJ is very different from how it used to be.

So should you wonder what I'm up to, just imagine that it's something awesome, because honestly, there is a way to make ANYTHING awesome if you just tell it the right way
 
 
Lara I.
I mean, I don't usually mention it, cause back when she was Hannah Montana that would've been weird and creepy, but she is grown up now. And I could listen to this girl forever :)

 
 
Lara I.
17 October 2013 @ 08:38 am
Without dyeing your bathroom sink, floor, shower, fingers, ears, neck, shoulders, and forehead as well


Wait, actually I have no idea how to do that. Sorry :)
 
 
Lara I.
30 April 2013 @ 09:38 am
So my room mate Mark, who hasn't worked (or paid rent) all winter, is working right now, as I type this. He also gave me a rent check before he left for work. And it's not even the FIRST of the month yet, let alone the fifth! So... I'm feeling a lot less anxious about money now that we have that again. But I can't relax too much, because Jason and Minh aren't going to stay with us forever. This house is starting to feel sort of crowded sometimes, and probably especially to them. It was a fair exchange for a while, but now it's starting to feel like THEY are doing US a favor by staying here. I mean, they've had plenty of time to get settled here, find work, save money, etc. I know they'd rather be in their own place if it was entirely up to them.

But... that's still in the future. For the next few months at least, we'll be fine. And I have, I truly have been looking for a job. I've been on job interviews. I've dressed and acted professionally (or as professionally as I know how) and been interviewed by people five, or even ten (!!!!) years younger than I am for positions a trained monkey could do. I was offered one job that I turned down, and I'm starting to regret turning it down because I just really doubt that I will be able to find anything better. I don't want to work at the customer service desk of a crappy discount store for a 19-year-old manager. And I just... I don't think that taking a crappy job NOW with the plan of still looking for a better job is really feasible. How can I look for a job if I'm going to work every day? How can I be available to answer my phone or return phone calls in a reasonable amount of time if I'm at work, working? How can I show up for job interviews if I have to fit them in around a work schedule that won't give me set hours?

And at the end of the fall, when Mark stops working and Jason and Minh want to move to their own place, I'll be cursing myself, wishing I had a polo shirt and a name tag and came home crying every night about how shitty people are, because that would've been $150 every week that I decided I'm too good for.

Sigh. I have a ten dollar bill. Do you think if I plant it in my back yard I can just GROW some money?
 
 
Lara I.
24 April 2013 @ 10:55 am
So it just occurred to me that in every single place I would ever want to go in day-to-day life (ex bus stop, grocery store, the mall, coffee places, delis, etc) something infuriating has happened to me, leading me to insist (for a while, until I give in) that I am NEVER going there EVER again.

This might be related to why I feel overcome with complete loathing and disgust every time I need to go somewhere.

ESPECIALLY THE PHARMACY.
 
 
Lara I.
19 April 2013 @ 09:28 am
I have been applying for jobs, any and all. I really am running out of money. It's a nice idea, to take my time, think this out, and really search for a job that suits me and that will be fulfilling, but its kind of like a pipe dream at this point. If I wanted a "good" job, something that would hold my interest, use my skills and talents, and not mentally run me ragged from stupidity, I should've stuck it out and finished school and somehow forced myself into a better state of mind before I crashed out. I had multiple opportunities to do that, multiple times, and I didn't, so now I'm out of money. Cause and effect. Shouldn't be a surprise. Nothing worth getting angry over. It's all my own fault anyway.

So, like I thought I would, I have gotten responses from some of the places I've applied to. Not from any of the quiet, low key, part time positions like phone answering, not from ANYTHING even remotely interesting like dusting the plants in a museum or restoring book bindings or being an assistant to the person who arranges shipment of artwork - just from major retail locations. Like, sure, we'd love for you to take shit from people day in and day out for minimum wage! You'd be perfect! Come work here! And I'm really on the fence about this. Some money is better than none. I mean, my sense of self worth doesn't HAVE to be based on how the majority of people I interact with on a day-to-day basis treat me... does it???

Except for it kind of does. That's kind of been my problem all along.

Other things, um, I had coffee with the Bus Guy twice now. He made a point to clarify that he was NOT flirting with me, because apparently he DIDNT give me his phone number or contact info or anything BECAUSE he was afraid I would think that, and he was very adamantly insisting that he was not. He was even very happy to hear that I have a boyfriend, which I guess solidified the idea that we won't be flirting with each other at all? I don't know. I think my initial impression of him being strange and oversharing was kind of off. I think a big part of how I interpreted that really was due to me just not being used to people talking to me about things that aren't stupid. I mean, I guess he kept talking to me and sharing things with me because I wasn't doing or saying anything like "go away" or "you're making me uncomfortable" or whatever. But when he saw me again I think he could tell that he somehow DID make me uncomfortable, because he started with explaining that he wasn't trying to pick me up. And I don't think he actually DOES overshare, because he has mentioned a few things, like a disaster of a relationship that just ended, that he has been fairly silent about. An over-sharer would probably be all blah blah blah about his ex and this and that and the other thing that she did.

I kind of now get the impression that he is just lonely, which makes sense because he hasn't lived here very long and doesn't know anyone except his ex and her friends. But actually he's a pretty interesting person, and he seems to want to be friends with me, I mean, he seems interested in the things I talk about. We talked a lot about languages and learning languages, so I guess we are kind of both big nerds about that because we talked for more than an hour just on that topic alone. We also were talking about The Avengers, and I was talking about the comics, which he didn't know anything about. So usually, especially with something like comic books, no matter how much I want to talk about it, if the other person doesn't know anything about it I just shut up, because that's really not going to be a conversation if the other person doesn't know anything. That's how the other person ends up being like, omg this girl won't SHUT UP about her stupid comics! But he seemed interested enough to ask me questions about stuff related to the movie, like character backgrounds and stuff. So that was kind of cool.

And... now my boyfriend is a little jealous. And I don't really know how to feel about that. I mean... I am not going to cheat on him with a guy who is five years older than me, has two kids and a crazy ex, is very insistent about NOT flirting with me, and who, I mean... interesting as he is to talk to, I'm not attracted to him, I mean, I don't know, do I have a type? I don't really look at guys like that, for the most part, but even guys who I am objectively like, ok, this person is attractive (like maybe... Mark Wahlburg, I'd say he is an attractive guy) do have certain things in common I guess. So this guy is not my type, as far as types go. The whole being five years older than me and having two kids is a big part of that, kinda makes me like whoa wait he is a grown up! So there isn't anything for my boyfriend to be jealous of, except for he still is.

So... he doesn't trust me to hang out with another guy, for a few hours, in a public place, because all of a sudden the two of us will be overcome with lust and hook up?? But he does trust me to hang out with other girls, really attractive girls who I am constantly blah blah blah about she's so cool, she's so pretty, she's so talented, no seriously she is REALLY cool, I can't believe she's actually my friend... at their houses, drinking wine and beer, getting sloppy and silly... THAT is ok, but THIS is not? I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend. But if there were ever an instance where it COULD happen, I mean, attractive girl + alcohol + ACTUALLY SHOWING INTEREST LIKE THAT (which has not happened) would probably be a good start.

Also, I mentioned to Bus Guy that I was going swimming, and he said he wanted to join me! Like, people who go to the gym together to motivate each other, only we would go to the pool together, since we both seem to be out and about at the same time of the day. I said no. I said NO really insistently. I don't go to pools with strange guys. End of story. But I have been going to the pool a lot. I think I've finally gotten a handle on a good pattern of swimming, because I can now make it across the pool and back, maybe even more than once if I have the energy for it. I don't think I'm in better shape, I think I just finally worked out how to actually propel myself without immediately counteracting everything I'm doing (or crashing into the side of the pool, which I've also done a couple times) so maybe now if I keep this up I CAN be in better shape. Cause right now I kind of suck.

I guess that's kind of it for right now. Oh I went on a pretend date with my boyfriend, where we went out together and pretended we didn't know each other and tried to pick each other up. It didn't work out like we thought it would. Maybe I'll write about that later.
 
 
Lara I.
27 March 2013 @ 01:32 pm
This new LJ interface has erased, YET AGAIN, another entry. It logged my out while I was in the middle of a post, my post disappeared. I hoped I could use the "restore from draft" function but it saved only the first sentence. Out of paragraphs upon paragraphs. Well fuck this. That post was grasping at straws, anyway. I have nothing to say that's worth saying OR reading. It was all about other people and what they're up to, because I certainly am not doing anything.
 
 
Lara I.
23 February 2013 @ 08:52 am
Wow.  
So I've been working on a post dealing with all the awful stuff that's been going on with me lately. It's been kinda tough to write about without dragging myself down into just a miserable state, but I've been getting through it. Twice now, LJ has seen fit to erase whatever part of the post extends past what can fit in the text box on the post entry page if I leave it sitting open instead of posting it right away. TWICE.

Fuck this.

I don't know why I bother.
 
 
Lara I.
04 February 2013 @ 01:19 pm
 
 
Lara I.
16 January 2013 @ 09:17 pm
That was a really nice surprise to find all those birthday wishes today! Thanks so much! I don't celebrate my birthday but it was still really nice to know people were thinking of me!
 
 
Lara I.
11 January 2013 @ 05:42 pm
7. What is your dream job, and why?

Girl-with-guitar.

So basically I want what I already dedicate a good portion of my time and effort and mental energy towards to be my job.

I didn't say I want that to be my ACTUAL job. I just mean literally my DREAM job. In my dreams, I'd like to do something I love all day long... except for when I don't feel like it, and when I don't do any work, I don't get fired, I just end up building up suspense about what I'm going to come up with next. And when I do do work... everybody applauds. What other kind of job do people get so much praise for doing what they're getting paid to do anyway?

In-front-of-a-crowd is a pretty safe place to be, too. You can't hear all the random comments people are making, and nobody can touch you or ask you invasive questions - you control the show. It's whatever you want, and nothing you don't. Putting on a show is nothing like being social: I'm really good at one of those things, and really bad at the other. Can you tell which is which?

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?

8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstood most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
 
 
Lara I.
10 January 2013 @ 08:26 pm
So, something that I like to cook is a baked chicken, because it's so cheap. For about $25 I can usually get a chicken, a vegetable, and some potatoes, and then some things for making stock like onion celery carrot ginger and garlic and lemon, and then some bread and a tasty thing like some cheese or something. On Tuesday night I baked the chicken - I like to bake chicken at a high temperature, because it stays juicy that way and the skin gets crispy and delicious. I mixed grated ginger root, red pepper flakes, lemon zest, olive oil, and room temperature butter in a bowl and then after I cleaned the chicken I shoved that mixture up under all the skin and rubbed it over the skin and generously salted and peppered both sides. I stuck half a bulb of garlic inside and the lemon I used for the zest cut in half, and I poured a little ponzu sauce on the lemon halves. I filled the bottom of the pan with golden potatoes.

I sauteed the livers (for some reason, chickens come with two livers... do they have two??) with butter and old wine and chopped rosemary from my garden and Minh and I ate them on crusty bread. This is not a Chinese thing. She was shocked that I did this with livers. It IS a Chinese thing to eat all the parts of the chicken, feet, head, lungs, everything, but I guess she never had livers like that before. I hadn't either, but google said (when I asked "what do I do with the stuff inside the chicken) that it was a delicacy to sautee liver and onions and have it on toast so I figured those of us who eat liver (just me and her) had better have it that way. I didn't feel like having onions but after tasting it I think it would've been much better if I did fry it with onions after all.

I set aside the neck and the heart and the gizzard, the extra ginger and the really fibrous part of the ginger that wouldn't grate, and the fibrous ends I cut off the asparagus that I made to go with the chicken, and set them aside for stock. After we ate I pulled all the chicken off the carcass and dumped the whole thing in a pot along with the stuff I had set aside earlier and everything that was cooked inside the chicken and my chopped onions and celery and half the matchstick carrots and sliced the extra ginger and filled it all up with water and simmered it overnight.

The next day I used a cup of the unfiltered stock plus two cups of water to make a pot of wild rice that I mixed with the shredded leftover chicken, diced raw cucumbers and carrots, and Jason's special Chinese garlic sauce (that is not the same thing as what you get at Chinese take-out) and then for the day after, I used the rest of the stock for a soup with the last of the carrots, some frozen peas, and the leftover rice and chicken, and a chopped brown potato. Baking potato? Russet potato? I don't know. The big brown kind.

I am getting much better at making chicken stock/soup. I've learned a lot from the last few times I made it. I think next time I want to put chicken sausage in it though. Also, I made the chicken with grated ginger this time because Jason cooked some delicious ginger chicken one night and I loved it. His had ginger and scallions shredded up together (with a lot of salt, I think) but for some reason, the last THREE times I've been to the supermarket, I couldn't find the scallions! What's up with that??
 
 
Lara I.
08 January 2013 @ 05:00 pm
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

I need to answer this one. It'll be good for me. Five things that make me most happy right now...

1. Sleep. Sleeping in the afternoons, in the daylight, is really nice. Whenever I'm feeling tired (which is pretty much all the time) instead of just trying to push through it, I just go to sleep. It feels really nice to be able to just sleep as much as I want whenever I want. In the mornings I can only sleep if it's pitch dark in my room, but in the afternoons I like to sleep in the sunlight that comes in my living room windows.

2. Musical collaboration. I have always wanted a friend like Ashley. She is the first person I've met who gets just as excited about these things as I do. I've met other very talented people, and those are friendships that I really chased after without the success I envisioned - either the person became my friend, but wasn't much interested in making music with me, or the person was VERY interested in making music but DEFINITELY not with me. It's really great to have a mutual obsession with a friend, I think it is something that will really hold our friendship together. Since we haven't known each other for that long and there is nothing really keeping us near each other, like work or school or living nearby or anything, we really do have to both make the effort to go out of our ways to be social with each other. And we are both willing to do so, because of the music.

3. Cooking. That makes me very happy. Tonight I'm baking chicken with grated ginger under the skin and sautéed asparagus. Tomorrow I'm making Jason's cheap chicken with garlic sauce (which is Chinese food but nothing like what you get at a Chinese take-out place) and then on Thursday I'm making chicken soup with potatoes, carrots, and peas (and homemade chicken stock). I'm excited for all of this. Cooking is fun.

4. Coffee from a French press. I got one for Christmas and I'm drinking some now. Caffeine is such a harmless habit I'm not at all shy to admit I'm entirely hooked, and I really do like the body and texture of the coffee from the French press. Usually I like a little milk in my coffee but from the press I actually prefer it black.

5. Plants. I'm excited for spring when my garden will come back to life

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstood most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
 
 
Lara I.
19 December 2012 @ 12:23 pm
So it seems all my friends have beaten me to this - you all are just overly antsy, 2012 isn't NEARLY close to over yet!

But here's how it works - you post the subject of the first entry of each month of the year. Usually I like to add commentary and such (of course...) but it has been kind of a crappy year so the commentary is going to have to wait until I feel like admitting what a horrible year it really was.

January What I Did On My Christmas Vacation

February Memes And Miscellany

March Writer's Block: Ready For Your Close-Up

April Ten Things I Love

May Overdue For An Update

June Bad Memories And Blame And Unexpected Tears

July Nothing About Me Here

August Part Two: Having Dreams

September Deep Thoughts - Day Twenty-Seven

October Clearly I Owe A Real Update... Let's See...

November 30 Day Survey - Day Two

December Ten Things I Would Actually Tell My Sixteen Year Old Self
 
 
Lara I.
12 December 2012 @ 10:26 am
So, this is what happened:

It was a gloomy, dreary day in the city. It was misting and drizzling and I was soggy and cold. I decided to have lunch by myself at a coffee place I often see but have never been inside. I go in the door. I wait in line. The woman behind me asks me if I am waiting in line. I say yes. She then points to the cashiers and says "they're ready for you."

There are two cash registers. One has a girl behind it who is busily serving customers. She has been saying "I can help the next person" as soon as she completes each transaction. The other one, the one closer to me, has two ladies behind it who are counting money. They haven't been taking anyone's order, and neither of them have made eye contact with me or offered to take my order. I turn around and say, "Are you sure? I don't think this one is open."

The woman behind me then proceeded to push me forward, putting her hands on my shoulders, and say, "go ahead, what do you want to order?"

I don't answer her, because I'm waiting for the cashier who is actually open and taking orders to finish with the person she's waiting on, because I'm next, so the sooner I can get to her, the sooner I can get away from this woman, but she leans over my shoulder, so her face is right next to my face, points up and the menu, and starts reading the different choices to me. "Do you want a hot chocolate? They have chai lattes. There are some flavored sodas, did you want a soda?"

And then comes my first mistake. I answer her. "No, I'm going to get a cappuccino."

She then says to the two (not open) cashiers, "she's getting a cappuccino."

The taller one says, okay, what kind of milk? (She stopped counting money to talk to this woman) The woman leans down to me and asks me if I know what kind of milk I want, and again, I make a mistake in answering her. I prefer whole milk, if they have it. She assures me they do. The cashier informs her they don't. I tell the cashier 2% is fine. The not-open cashier then walks over to the cashier who is actually open, points at us, and tells her to ring up a cappuccino with 2%, then asks the woman behind me what she wants for herself, and tells the cashier that we are together.

I go to the cashier who is actually open, the one who just rung up both our drinks, and say, "don't put mine with hers, we are not together, she just took it upon herself to order for me." The cashier shrugs and says, "well, she wants to treat you then," and looks over my head to tell the total to the woman behind me.

"No," I say. "I don't know her. We didn't come together. She just insisted on ordering my drink for me."

This is now a problem, because the cashier either can't cancel what she just rung up, or doesn't know how to, or isn't allowed to, or something.

"It's okay," says the woman behind me, who again leans down over my shoulder, so her face is next to my face, and points up at the menu again. "Yours is $3.60, do you have $3.60?"

I am now absolutely furious. She is way too close to me, and I can't get away from her because I'm between the counter and, well, her, and backing up into her won't get me farther away from her. She's answering for me, she's talking for me, she's leaning over me, and she's now peering into my purse at my money and I swear she's about to reach into it to "help" me pay. I close my hand over the top of my purse and turn around. "EXCUSE ME," I say, loudly, and as rudely as I can. And I do back up into her, a little bit.

"It's okay," she tells me, as if I said, "I'm sorry," rather than "EXCUSE ME." "Take your time. Do you have three ones? It's three dollars. Go ahead. Take your time." Over my head, she tells the cashier she'll pay for the change. And do I have exactly the amount? No, of course I don't. I have two ones, and a five. I try to give the cashier the five. The woman takes it out of my hand and hands the cashier a twenty, keeps my five, and begins counting out change for me, explaining, as she counts, why it's my change from my five, twenty five and ten and five is forty cents, one dollar, $3.60 and $1.40 makes five dollars, etc etc.

The cashier hands my drink to the woman and says "this is hers." I reach up for it. "I'll take it," I snap. The woman is reaching over my head for it. "DO NOT GIVE HER MY DRINK!" I yell. "She is NOT with me. I do NOT know her."

Aaaandddd... she has my drink. The cashier actually did give it to her. And I am looking wildly around at everyone else in the shop. Is nobody going to rescue me? Is nobody going to say, hey, back off, lady?

And then I realize. They think I'm acting this way because something is wrong with me. They think we ARE together, that she is taking care of me, and I am "acting out."

I turn around to face her. In the process, I knock down the post thing that holds the rope that shows where the line is. Somebody picks it up again. She tells me to calm down. I am anything but calm. I am on the verge of tears and I am sure it is visible on my face. She has brown hair that looks scraggly from the drizzle outside and a fur-trimmed hood on her coat. Her expression is not at all concerned that she may be behaving inappropriately. She is not concerned with how upset I am. She is still holding my coffee.

"I am not CRAZY," I tell everyone waiting in line. "I just don't need help ORDERING COFFEE."

And then... then all the waiting people are ready to defend HER. Because she was "just trying to help." Because she was "just trying to be nice." Because I need to calm down. Because I'm the one who is yelling. Because, in her own words, "you didn't know where to order from. I was helping you. Then you needed help making change."

"You can keep the coffee," I told her. Since she was still holding it and all. "There is no way I'm staying in here. This is ridiculous." And I left. Without the coffee I paid for. And I went back to school. And bought coffee in the bookstore. Where I waited in a normal line. Where the bookstore people know me because I sometimes buy coffee there and sometimes just use the hot water there for my tea. Where I have actually shared my tea with the bookstore people if it was something really awesome. No student or school employee (who are frequently both student and employee anyway) have EVER, EVER acted as if I can't do something like order and pay for my coffee.

So basically I threw a tantrum in a coffee shop. I haven't done that in YEARS.

And then, full disclosure, I took my bookstore coffee into the ladies room and cried and cried and cried until my coffee wasn't even hot anymore, and I was 20 minutes late for my final.

That's what happened.
 
 
Lara I.
30 November 2012 @ 07:07 pm
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

Well... I dunno. I quite liked being sixteen. I'm not sure I want to burden my younger self with my older self's knowledge and disillusionment. I'm not sure I even want to answer this.

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstood most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.
 
 
Lara I.
28 November 2012 @ 06:18 pm
Yesterday it snowed quite a bit. I woke up to snow, and I get up pretty early on Tuesdays. I had two classes yesterday, psycholinguistics and speech and language development, and I felt okay so I wasn't about to skip MORE class when I felt fine, even if the ground was covered in snow. It was wet, soggy snow, so it wasn't actually THAT cold out but that deep, slushy snow is such a mess. I dont have a good history with snow and school, but nothing really bad happened this time. I got lucky - a guy in my psychling class rides the same train I do and offered to push me to class right at the height of the snow situation - when the snow was it's deepest and slushiest and still coming down in such big heavy flakes that of course we both got soaked, it was very cold, and visibility was crap, and I prob could've pushed myself but I figured I'd take him up on it. I didn't want to get slush all over my hands and freeze my fingers off, and warming up from the cold always sucks my energy away enough as it is.

Blah blah blah my dayCollapse )

I should prob dig all that out of the trash so I can go back to the store and be like wtf.

Um. Well I will accomplish cooking dinner. Only because I made it the other day though. I made turkey tetrazzini casserole with all my remaining leftovers, but I made two. We ate one, and tonight I just have to put the other one in the oven. Oh, and my cranberry muffins. Also very simple, cornbread mix and cranberry relish. Maybe I'll start that now. And then work on the kitchen. And definitely eventually wash my hair. Before the end of the day. Absolutely.
 
 
Lara I.
25 November 2012 @ 07:54 pm
1. I went to my sister's wedding shower, hosted by my aunt (my mom's sister) and it stirred up a lot of shit seeing the two of them together. Also, I really had no opportunity to help with the shower whatsoever, and the other two bridesmaids did, and I feel really shitty about that, like I didn't do my share, but also that I was purposely shut out of doing my share.

2. I wanted to go to NJ for Thanksgiving, you know, to see my dad's family, and also because I know Bevan really wanted to go too, to see his dad, and probably more so all his friends. But... we spent Thanksgiving here at home. I cooked a whole bunch of stuff and it was kind of a whirlwind. My kitchen is still a wreck. But I've been making some delicious leftovers all weekend.

3. I un-registered from my classes next semester. I'm not going. I felt a thousand times better as soon as I did that, and I had been halfway planning to do that all along, but now that just leaves me very worried about what I AM going to do if I'm not going to school. And... I'm very much embarrassed to share this, because I'm basically admitting to giving up. There it is, everyone. I just plain gave up.
 
 
Lara I.
19 November 2012 @ 11:21 pm
Well, I feel much better now.
 
 
Lara I.
Sometimes you just need to eat the whole bag of Halloween candy and deal with the consequences later.
 
 
Lara I.
05 November 2012 @ 10:38 am
It's an instant coffee in the coffee kind of morning
 
 
Lara I.
28 October 2012 @ 05:34 pm
I lived at the shore for three years. Im not afraid of a little hurricane. And Im fully prepared for a big one. Settle down, PA. Unless you live in an area prone to flooding, the worst that can happen is your power goes out.

However, Im thankful to have off school Monday and Tuesday. Go ahead and overreact all you want, city of Philadelphia!
 
 
Lara I.
27 October 2012 @ 07:04 pm
Both midnight21 and zeegeek have done this so far. I was avoiding it, but since I've had such a hard time writing stuff, I've given in. I'm sure I can manage to be wordy when asked questions about myself. Some of these questions are pretty intense, but at least not the first one!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

1. I have lots of nervous habits, some of which can be very destructive, mostly to do with scratching and picking at myself. This is actually somewhat of a secret, so don't tell anybody. I was just trying to come up with something I haven't said already.

2. When people see me around family members, or even photos of my family, they always remark how we look EXACTLY alike, no matter which side of the family it is. So something about my genetics causes us all to look EXACTLY alike? I mean now that we're both grown up I think my sister could easily pass for my twin - some identical twins don't look perfectly alike but still are identical - and I think I've always been able to pass for twins with my cousin because we're the same age.

3. I read super fast. I read The Hunger Games trilogy in one day. And still managed to do a few other things with my time as well.

4. I have a violin and am considering taking violin lessons.

5. I have an iPhone 4 now. Not a 4s. I'm afraid of Siri.

6. I also have a super!bling case with a peacock on it.

7. Speaking of peacock, I'm working on a drawing of angel wings made of peacock feathers. The girl Mimi who dragged me to a bar (only once) wants to show it to a tattoo artist. I am happy to oblige. I like to draw and I love peacock feathers!

8. I have new TV shows. I still don't watch live TV, but I now watch Homeland, Revolution, Walking Dead, and Breaking Bad in addition to 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother.

9. I haven't touched my guitar in ages.

10. I am friendly acquaintances with a very unusual person who takes the bus when I do.

11. I have no idea how to spell acquaintance without spell-check

12. I am really good at insulting people without realizing it until after I close my mouth.

13. When I am old I want to have flower-arranging and hat decorating as my hobbies.

14. I am too lazy to carve my pumpkin for Halloween.

15. Actually I think I might eat my pumpkin. It's a squash, right, and squash is food?

16. I take my shoes off and switch chairs when I come home from school. I feel like Mr. Rogers. Actually I put on a cardigan too. I AM Mr. Rogers!

17. I did the coolest thing at the Renaissance faire, I improv'd a silly song with some traveling minstrels. I even mimicked their accents! Screw having a professional career. Can't I be a traveling minstrel?

18. I am terrible at baking. I make the worst cookies and cakes. If you come over for dinner, bring dessert!

19. I need two blankets when I curl up on the couch - one to put over me and one to pet.

20. I hate movies and TV shows where dead people come back to life. ...zombies and vampires don't count. I mean ACTUALLY come back to life. Miracles are shit.

The questionsCollapse )
 
 
Lara I.
21 October 2012 @ 02:44 pm
Well... yesterday I did put away my laundry, and I did do some more laundry. I went to the garden store, but I didn't do any gardening. I didn't clean up my girly clutter. I DID to a lot of studying and school work. I didn't cook anything.

Today, I will try my best to do all the garden things that need to be done before it's cold enough to plant bulbs. I also went to the supermarket with the car (so I could get a bunch of stuff) and got a bunch of stuff. Here are the things I will cook:

Wasabi-crusted pan-seared tuna steaks with sauteed asparagus and rice cooked in dashi stock

Hamburgers made with lean ground beef, bacon, shallots, and horseradish cheddar on garlic toast with boston lettuce and tomatoes and roasted potato wedges

Baked pesto chicken with golden potatoes and green beans

Potato gnocchi with alfredo sauce, leftover chicken, and broccoli.

Rice cooked with leftover chicken, lettuce, cucumbers, and ginger-garlic-fish sauce (this is some kind of Chinese food. Jason is teaching me to make this)
 
 
Lara I.
20 October 2012 @ 09:50 am
After writing and deleting several entries over the past week, here is what I will do today:

I will go to the garden store and purchase garden things, and then do work in my garden(s) this morning. I will have coffee, because I finally replaced the coffee maker. I will eat something for breakfast/lunch but I will not make or acquire this meal myself. My boyfriend folded my laundry, even though I'm supposed to fold it myself. I will put this laundry away. Then I will do more laundry. I will clean up all my girly clutter off the bathroom sink. I will request again that another, lower shelf be hung in the linen cabinet. I will cook dinner. Tonight I will study.

But first I will get up. I slept way in today.
 
 
Lara I.
06 October 2012 @ 11:49 am
There's a daffodil in my garden.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???
 
 
Lara I.
05 October 2012 @ 12:35 am
We Are Having Winter This Year.

I can tell because I have dandruff in my eyebrows and horribly dry-yet-breaking-out skin everywhere else. This always happens when the seasons start to change for the colder. It didn't happen last year. Because it never got cold.

...I'm kind of scared we'll get like... TWO winters or something. *shudders*